BBC News

BBC News

“This is Radio Two. The BBC news read by John Thomas.”

“Good Morning. Following extensive public consultation, the government this morning removed the reigning monarch formerly known as King Charles the Third”

“Over to Robert Starling at Buckingham Palace.”

“Good morning, John. Mr Charles Windsor was arrested by officers from the Metropolitan Police in the early hours of this morning and he has been taken to what they describe as a 'safe palace'.

“An hour later, a chauffeur-driven limousine arrived at the palace to deliver a canary, who has been named as 'Binky'. Members of the public at the gates have been turning up dressed in yellow; some of them have had yellow face paint and hair dye too; as a mark of respect. The yellow flag is flying over Buckingham Palace for the first time.

“This will be Britain's first avian monarch. The closest analogy was when George the Third made his tree prime minister. The government has announced that the traditional state opening of parliament will be scrapped and the King's speech will be handled by the Buckingham Palace Twitter account.

“Now back to the studio.”

“Thank you, Robert.

“There has been a surprise development in the trade talks with the Arcturian Empire. The Chancellor has said that this agreement would have an immediate impact on the British economy.

“Economic experts, on the other hand, have said that it will be at least twelve centuries before the UK feels any benefit and even then it will be modest.

“Over to our former, Royal Correspondent, Nicholas Twitcher who is reporting live from Space Station Alpha.”

“Well,John, as you know, the talks had been stalled over the demand of our Arcturian allies that the UK should hand over its head of state as a gesture of goodwill.

In a surprise U-turn the government negotiators are set to accede to this request this afternoon so that the trade deal can go ahead.


“Back to the studio.”

Thanks,Nicky.

“That is all we have time for but we will keep you updated throughout the day if there are any further developments. It seems Binky will not have time to unpack if the Arcturians move rapidly.”



Derek McMillan is the editor of #worthingflash. It is the best job in the world. People send me fascinating stories all the time. 


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