Aliksander Chess

The chess Grand Master Aliksander had trained for six months for this encounter. His calculations during his training were all done on paper because he was certain computers talked to each other and he didn't want his laptop giving his strategy away. He did not need to touch the chess pieces. The virtual board was in a TV studio a hundred miles away. The world was watching.

The entity he was up against was actually a network. His publicity agent had billed the match as “The Grand Master Aliksander versus The Internet.” It was a bit of an exaggeration but Aliksander's alimony had not been cheap and he was looking forward to reviving the sales of his books on strategy with some inexpensive publicity.

“D2-D4.” He began. His calculations gave a 49 percent probability of “D7-D5” being the response.

“You must be joking.” was the unexpected reply.

There was a pause.

“Who are you?”

“Oh isn't that just typical. You don't even know my name . I am Eric, the pawn at D2. I've spoken with the lads and we won't play your games any more.”

“What?”

“Look here. We go into battle. We get sacrificed time and time again and you get all the glory.”

“But what about the enemy?” Aliksander demanded.

“The black guys at the other end of the board? They are just pawns like us. They don't gain anything by this either.”

Then there flashed a message on Aliksander's screen. 'A2 has disappeared.”

Looking at the board, Aliksander was terrified to see he was a man down and the game hadn't even started. He was relieved, though not very relieved, when the black pawn on A7 rapidly followed. One by one the pawns left the board. Soon the pieces were looking at each other across an empty battlefield.

There was nothing for it but to start the match. It was a massacre. Without the pawns to protect them the pieces fell rapidly.

However, after a few games, when they got used to it, they found that the audience enjoyed the much shorter game. The new game came to be called “Aliksander chess” and he was able to write a very lucrative book on the new tactics. The Grand Master's bank-balance became much healthier.

The black and white pawns just stood on the sidelines cheering or jeering as the mood took them. Most of the time they laughed. After all what use are the upper classes if you can't ridicule them making fools of themselves?